NARUTO: OSOoC - Chapter 17

The Dot

Deidara: -Watching TV, flipping channels-

On TV: -Random Politician rapping- "Tell me what is your name?!" Karl Rove: "I'm Emcee Rove!"

Deidara: ".....HOW has America not gotten wiped off the face of the earth?" -Changes channel-

Iruka: "Yarr... Me pirate sense be tingling..."

-Doorbell rings-

Pein: "I'll get it..." -Open door- "May I help y-"

Sakura: -Busts in and starts strangling the Leader- "WHERE IS HE, YOU FREAK?!"

Zabuza: "SAKU-SAKU! YOU'VE COME TO YOUR SENSES! I'M RIGHT HERE, MY LOVE!"

Sakura: "NOT YOU YA UGLY-ASS ZOMBIE! GO FUCK OROCHIMARU OR THAT BITCH FROM ‘INUYASHA‘! THEY'RE BOTH ALREADY DEAD ANYWAY! NOW YOU TELL ME WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW!!!"

Zabuza: "...I'm gonna go cry..."

Pein: "CAN'T... BREATH..."

Sakura: "THEN START TALKING!!!"

Pein: "GAH... NARUTO! SOMEONE’S HERE TO SEE YOU!!!"

Naruto: -Peeks out from the closet- "Huh?"

Zabuza: -Snicker- "He's coming out of the closet."

Sakura: "NARUTOOOOO!" -Runs towards him overdramatically in slow motion-

Zabuza: -Throws a shoe at Sakura-

Sakura: -Stops- ...

Zabuza: "Uh-oh."

Sakura: -Turns around slowly- "WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?!" -Fire in eyes-

Zabuza: "Can zombies crap themselves? I just did."

Sakura: "DIE!!!" -Chases after Zabuza with a battle axe-

Naruto: -Hides in the corner-

Everyone else: -Watching-

Kisame: "As scary as this is, it could be worse."

-Suigetsu and Karin suddenly walk in-

Suigetsu: "HI DADDY! WE NEED A PLACE TO STAY! THE HAPPY PLACE KICKED US OUT!"

Itachi: "You just had to say something..."

Karin: -Sniffle- "All we wanted was better rape treatment and this is what we get! It's not fair!"

Suigetsu: "Don't worry! We'll still make it! We'll stay here for a while and start up the dolly shop, rape each other, and we'll be back on our feet in no time!"

Sakura: "Yeah, right, good for you. Now where'd Naruto go?"

Naruto: -Cowering in the corner-

Sakura: "There you are!" -Resumes running overdramatically in slow motion-

Zabuza: -Throws another shoe at Sakura-

Sakura: "DOES SOMEONE HAVE A FUCKING DEATH WISH?!?!?!"

Zabuza: -Whistling inconspicuously and pointing at Suigetsu-

Sakura: "GRR..." -Starts to walk towards Suigetsu-

Suigetsu: -Smiles and starts walking toward Sakura with a knife- "DOLLYYYYY..."

Sakura: "OH YOU WANNA PLAY BITCH?! LET'S PLAY!"

Suigetsu: -Swings arms in the blink of an eye-

Sakura: -Cut on the cheek- "...Uh... Mummy?" -Cowers in the corner with Naruto-

Suigetsu: "OOOHHH... YAY! TWO DOLLIES!"

Iruka: "Yarr. Now wait a minute. Naruto be like me son, so..." -Blocks Suigetsu with a harpoon-

Suigetsu: "You can't always protect him."

Iruka: "Arr... But I CAN kick YER booty."

Suigetsu: "Yeah right! I'm a higher rank than you."

Iruka: "Arr. Perhaps. But yer not a pirate!"

Suigetsu: "Hmph... I'll get different dollies..."

Ino: -Busts down the door-

Pein: "BITCH! YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT!"

Sakura: "Ino?! What are you doing here?! Did you come to help with the rescue?!"

Ino: "LYKE NO! I HEARD SHIKAMARU TALKING TO SOME SKANK ON THE PHONE SO I'M GOING THROUGH EVERY BUILDING UNTIL I FIND THE BITCH!"

Sakura: "You're on Shikamaru now? Jeez girl, you're after a different guy every week. Make up your damn mind."

Ino: "OH YOU SHOULD TALK ! You damn hypocrite. I HAVE made up my mind! This time I'm sticking to Shikamaru! At least I'm going for a guy who doesn't run away from me!"

Zabuza: "PMS much?"

Sakura: "HE DIDN'T RUN AWAY! AKATSUKI KIDNAPPED HIM!"

Ino: "Pttf. More like let them kidnap him!"

Deidara: "Come to think of it, the brat didn't put up much of a fight."

Sakura: "Whatever! That doesn't mean he wanted to get away from me! He could've wanted rid of Hinata! Or Sasuke! Isn't that right Naruto?!"

Naruto: -Fallen asleep and snoring-

Karin: -Right behind Ino- "Hello ma'am! Would you like to buy a dolly? We can get you one of anybody!"

Ino: "Step off freak!"

Suigetsu: -Cuts off a bunch of Ino's hair-

Ino: "OH HELL NO!!! "

Suigetsu & Karin: -Run out the door-

Ino: -Chasing them-

Suigetsu: "YAY! SHE'S GONNA BEAT US UP! MAYBE WE SHOULD HIRE HER WHEN WE START OUR NEW HAPPY PLACE!"

Karin: "YEAH! AND MAYBE IF WE ASK NICELY SHE'LL RAPE US TOO!"

Ino: -Grabs Suigetsu by the face and slams him into the ground- "YOU'RE NEXT BITCH!!!"

Karin: "Goody, goody gumdrops!"

Ino: -Tosses her up in the sky then waits 'til she falls back down and drop kicks her in the stomach while still in mid-air-

Suigetsu & Karin: -Both laying face down on the ground-

Ino: "Yeah! Take THAT sucka!"

Karin: -Hops right back up; bleeding from the mouth- "Thank you, sir! May I have another, sir?!"

Ino: -Jumps in the air then kicks her face-first into the ground-

Karin:  -Hops right back up- "Thank you, sir! May I have another, sir?!"

Ino: -Dropkick-

Suigetsu: "What about me old lady?!"

Ino: -Kicks him in the crotch-

-5 Hours Later-

Ino: -Breathing heavily-

Suigetsu: -Bleeding from every orifice- "AGAIN! AGAIN!" -Claps hands-

Karin: -Neck broken- "IT'S JUST LIKE OUR BIRTHDAY PARTY"

All the Akatsuki: -Watching and eating popcorn-

Ino: -Punching them slowly- "WHY..." -Pant- "WON'T" -Pant- "THEY" -Pant- "DIE?!"

Kisame: "Oh. They're so crazy they're developed beyond pain. Ya can't hurt the little freaks. Basically every time you hit them, you're taking them to Disney World."

Ino: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SO I JUST WASTED ALL THAT TIME?! UGH..." -Passes out-

Suigetsu: "Aw... Looks like she's all tired out."

Karin: "But it was great! I think she broke the Tooth Fairy's record!" -Disappears along with Suigetsu-

Sakura: "Whoa. Poor Ino. Hmm... Now what'd I come here for again?"

Naruto: "..." -Standing right next to her-

Sakura: "Oh well! I'm sure it'll come to me!" -Disappears-

Naruto: -Staring blankly- "...She... can't really be that dumb... Can she?"

Pein: "Apparently she can. Back to the closet."

-Meanwhile Suigetsu and Karin are walking through Konoha-

???: -Up on the roofs watching them- "..." -Talking on cell phone- "Master. I've located the targets."

???: -Mysterious British voice- "Excellent. Proceed as planned."

Tenten: -Appears in front of Suigetsu and Karin- "Hello!"

Karin: "AHAHAHAHAHA! Her hair looks like two potatoes!"

Suigetsu: -Drooling on Tenten's hair-

Tenten: "How would you both like to be rich?"

Karin: -Gasp- "Then we could start our dolly shop and make our new Happy Place! What do we have to do Mrs. Potato Head?!"

Tenten: "Just follow me!"

Karin: -Follows-

Suigetsu: -Follows while drooling on her hair-

-A while later, at KHOP-

Tenten: "Here we are!" -Is now covered in drool-

Suigetsu & Karin: "YAY!!!" -All go up on the roof-

???: "Glad you could join us." -Turns around in a chair overdramatically-

Suigetsu: "OHMYGOD IT'S CATMAN!"

Karin: "OHMYGOD WILL YOU SIGN MY BOOBS?!"

Tenten: "Master! You didn't tell me you were a singer!"

Kankurou: -British accent- "Agh." -Facepalm- "NO... I am not 'Catman.' I am Kankurou or as some may know me better. 'The Dot.' I am an international thief and have robbed from some of the richest people in the world, including Bill Gates, Oprah, and the guy who invented musical toothbrushes."

Suigetsu: "You would make a great dolly!"

Kankurou: -Sigh- "Look. I've brought you here because I have a business proposition and stupid people like you are cheap to hire and easy to manipulate. Apprentice. Explain my offer."

Tenten: "Ahhh..." -Watching a butterfly- "I'm sorry, what'd you say?"

Kankurou: -Sweatdrops- "Forget it." (Stupid bloody whore...) "I would like for you to start working for me. You'll receive 20% of all the profits you make for me."

Karin: "YAY! CATMAN IS GOING TO PAY US FISH AND RAPE US!"

Kankurou: "I said nothing even remotely close to that you insufferable little- Ugh..." (Calm down. Just remember, it's idiots or Mexicans...)

Suigetsu: "So who do we have to kill?"

Kankurou: "No killing. Just stealing."

Karin: "Awww... Do we at least get beat up?"

Kankurou: "If you get caught, then quite possibly, but make sure to get the money first."

Suigetsu & Karin: "OKAY CATMAN!"

Kankurou: "I'm not bloody Cat-!"

Temari: -From the ground- "KANKUROU! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Kankurou: "Ugh... Drama class, don't fail me now..." -Looks down from the roof- "AHEM..." -Without accent- "DOT! DOT! DOT! Duh, I'm up here!"

Temari: "Well, get down from there! It's getting dark out! It's past your bedtime!"

Kankurou: "DOT! OKAY!" -Turns around- “AHEM…” -With accent- "It's time I be going. Apprentice! Make sure and give them a business card. Cheerio!" -Jumps down-

Tenten: -Pulls out business cards from her bra- "We'll be in contact." -Disappears-

Suigetsu: "YAY!!! WE'RE WORKING FOR CATMAN! JUST LIKE ROBIN!"

Karin: “YAY! WE’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE RAPED BY A GUY IN A RUBBER SUIT!”

-Inside KHOP-

Kakashi: -Banging on the ceiling with a broom- "Quiet up there! Damn raccoons... "

TO BE CONTINUED...