NARUTO: OSOoC - Chapter 11

Akatsuki Idiots

-Kisame and Itachi are at a bar-

Itachi: "So, why exactly did you show up in Konoha?"

Kisame: "You were taking so long on your mission to scout out the Jinchuuriki. I just wanted to check up on you."

Itachi: -Not listening- "Hey, you want some tuna?"

Kisame: -About to cry- "My little sister was a tuna..."

Itachi: "Uh... Sharks are a different breed from tuna..."

Kisame: "Hey! If I'm related to Orochimaru, I could be related to anything else!"

Kakashi: -Right behind them- "That is SO true. He could be related to a bald eagle! Or Courtney Love!"

Itachi: "Or he could be related to you."

Kakashi: "NUUUUU!!!" -Runs off-

Itachi: "You want some sushi?"

Kisame: "But that's fish too!"

Itachi: -Sigh- "Fine! Have some chips instead."

Kisame: "Thank you!" -Pours sauce on chips and starts eating-

Itachi: "Oh, I forgot. That's shark sauce."

Kisame: "PFFFT!!!" -Spits it out- "WHY DO YOU ENJOY MAKING ME SUFFER?!"

Itachi: "Because we're best friends."

Kisame: -Twitchy eye- "You win..." -Continues eating chips-

Itachi: "Oh yeah! That reminds me. How was Sea World?"

Kisame: "PFFFT!!!" -Spits it out again- "WHY MUST YOU BRING UP MEMORIES YOU KNOW ARE PAINFUL TO ME?!"

Itachi: "Because I can."

-Walking out from the bar-

Kisame: -Sobbing- "I'm so ashamed of myself... Who knows how many relatives I just ate?!"

Hinata: -Standing outside the bar. Wearing all black- "Hey there, good looking!" -Talking to Kisame-

Kisame: "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Itachi: "No fucking way..." (Isn't that Naruto's chick?)

Hinata: "Yeah, I'm talking to you! How about you and me get a room?"

Kisame: -Horrified- "No thank you." -Hides behind Itachi-

Itachi: "Dude, what are you doing? This might be the only chance you ever get. Literally."

Kisame: "N-no way! Look at the way she's dressed! I think she's a prostitute! I don't wanna get arrested!"

Hinata: "Aw. Come on."

Kisame: -Crying- "I'm scared..."

Itachi: "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

Hinata: "Well, if you change your mind." -Hands Kisame some keys- "Here's the keys to my apartment." -Winks and walks off- (Dammit! What do I have to do to get a soul around here?!)

Itachi: "Jeez... You just blew your only chance."

Kisame: "Dude! If I got caught with a prostitute they'd send me back to Sea World!"

Itachi: "Hey, I've been to jail and I came out fine."

Kisame: "Well, I'm not like yo-! Wait... What'd you go to jail for?"

Itachi: -Sigh- "Let's see... Watching porn on the Internet while underage, selling drugs to kids, destroying the Gay Village, illegally burning CD's, vandalizing people's lawns, and selling stolen cars..."

Kisame: -Blank face- "WHAT THE HELL MAN?! HOW ARE YOU NOT STILL IN JAIL?!"

Itachi: "I blackmailed the judge. Turns out he had some skeletons in the closet. And by skeletons, I mean himself."

-Later, at the Akatsuki lair-

Itachi: -Stoned- "You know what would be cool? If I could breath fire... Shit, that'd be awesome!" -Laughing hysterically-

Kisame: "Itachi?! Put that away! And you can breath fire!"

Itachi: "Meh... Shut-up you stupid taking fish..." -Throws him some pot-

Kisame: "Oh screw it..."

-Later-

Itachi: -Laughing hysterically- "DUDE!!! YOU LOOK LIKE FLIPPER!!!"

Kisame: -Looking in a mirror- "DUDE... I THINK I'M A SHARK!!!"

Itachi: "SWEET!!!" -High-fives Kisame-

Kisame: "WE ARE SOOOOO TRIPPIN'!!!"

Itachi: "NAW, YOU'RE TRIPPIN'!!!"

Tobi: "HIYA EVERYONE!!!"

Itachi: "Oh great... It's the good boy... Whatzits name..."

Tobi: "My Name is er... Obi... Obi..."

Kisame: "OBI WAN KONOBI?!"

Tobi: "TOBI!!!"

Sasori: "Has anyone seen my puppets?"

Tobi: "SASORI-SAN?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD?!"

Sasori: "Uh... I am... I'm a ghost."

Tobi: -Not listening- "I-if... Sasori-san is alive t-then that means..." -Looks at ring- "NUUUUU!!!"

Kisame: "WHERE'S MY iPOD?!"

Tobi: -Running around hysterically- "NOES!!! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!! TOBI WORKED HARD TO GET INTO AKATSUKI!!! TOBI CAN'T GO BACK NOW!!!"

Itachi: "And where's my V.I.P. tickets to Linkin Park?! AND WHY IS EVERYONE FLYING?!"

Sasori: "Hello? Ghost?"

Tobi: -Still not listening- "WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!! JUST FORGET IT!!! AND GOOD LUCK TRYING!!!" -Takes ring off and stuff's it into his the eye-hole in his mask-

Sasori: "Dumbass..." -Disappears-

Tobi: "..." -Delayed reaction- "OWIE!!!" -Trying to get ring out- "MY EYE!!! THAT WAS MY LAST EYE!!! I NEVER SHOULD'VE THROWN AWAY THE GOGGLES!!!" -Takes mask off-

Kisame: "DUDE!!! You got half a face!"

Tobi: "Whew! Got it!" -Puts his mask and ring back on-

-A window explodes-

Deidara: "Has anyone seen my arm? It got cut off again."

Tobi: "SENPAI!"

Itachi: "Hey! You two should date! You're the perfect couple! One's got half a face and the other mouths on her hands!"

Tobi: "I don't get it..."

Deidara: "I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION FUCKING TIMES I'M NOT A GIRL!!!"

Itachi: "Eww... I just thought of something. Do you masturbate?"

Tobi: "Oh! Now I get it! AHAHA!"

Deidara: "SHUT THE HELL UP ALL OF YOU!!!"

Zetsu: "Anyone need some more shit?"

Tobi: "Hi Zetsu-san!"

Zetsu: "What are you doing here Tobi? You're supposed to be out selling."

Tobi: "Sorry, Zetsu-san... Am I still a good boy?!"

Zetsu: "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Kisame: "SERIOUSLY!!! WHERE THE HELL'S MY iPOD?!"

Deidara: "I hate all of you bastards..."

Itachi: "Hey Deidara? Does you hand swallow?"

Deidara: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"

Hidan: -From his room- "KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE!!! I'M TRYING TO PRAY!!!"

Kakuzu: "The only thing you need to pray for is that I don't ever find a way to kill immortals..."

???: "EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!"

Everyone: "Uh-oh..."

Pein: -Appears- "BRIEFING TIME!!!"

-All gather around-

Pein: "Wait. Where's Konan?"

Itachi: "She's still trapped in the closet..."

Pein: "Ah. Okay then. Deidara, Tobi how did your mission go?"

Deidara: "Completed... But I did all the work..."

Tobi: "I was a good boy!"

Pein: "Uh... Whatever. Itachi. How did your observation in Konoha go?"

Itachi: "Everything is set."

Pein: "Excellent! Now. Zetsu, do you have any more weed?"

Zetsu: "Of course. But it's gonna cost you."

Pein: "Grr... Fine! But, I expect a leader's discount! Now, Deidara and Tobi. In Konoha there are several 'threats' to our target. I want you to watch out for them. I'm assigning Zetsu to go with you for backup."

Deidara: "W-wait a minute. This doesn‘t make any sense, we aren‘t in the TV show right? So why are we all still in Akatsuki trying to take over the world? What kind of continuity is that?”

Everyone: "....."

Pein: "....JUST SHUT UP AND DO THE STUPID MISSION!"

Deidara: -Sigh- "Yes, sir."

TO BE CONTINUED...